Task IV: To Forge a Lasting Connection with the Deceased While Moving into a New Life In discussing the fourth task of mourning, Worden draws a contrast with Freud, who understood healthy mourning as the process of becoming detached from the deceased. On the contrary, Worden argues, the fourth task of mourning asks the bereaved to find a way to build a lasting connection with the deceased. It is true, though, that this connection must be different from the one that existed before the death. If the mourner can memorialize their loved one, and perhaps reflect on their memory as a source of support during trying times, then they can move on with their life while maintaining their connection. attachment to the deceased, may be a longer-term process. In this task, the bereaved person is called to move on from their relationship with the loved one they had in life and, in a move similar to the one Worden describes in his fourth task, must carry forward the aspects of the relationship that won’t get in the way of a healthy life. Phase III: Accommodation In this final phase, which may overlap with the second phase, the bereaved person must re-adjust to their full life after focusing on their loss. This represents a major shift from loss-oriented activities to restoration-oriented activities as described in the Dual Process Model. The final task is to reinvest emotional energy, a more internal version of the fifth task, in which one turns their focus towards new relationships or aspects of life that may have been neglected during the earlier phases of the mourning process.
roles and realizes that they can do alone what they thought they needed the deceased to do. ● Spiritual adjustments are analogous to Kessler’s Sixth Stage and involves integrating the loss into one’s spiritual or philosophical understanding of the world. Worden notes that the death of a loved one can shake one’s entire worldview. Deaths that are unexpected or untimely are more likely to have this effect. The peaceful, expected death of an elderly parent may feel appropriate and “make sense,” whereas the unexpected death of a child may feel like a violation of the natural order of things and require the bereaved person to do a great deal of emotional work. The Six Rs of Bereavement Therese Rando proposed a three-phase model of grief with six psychological tasks for the bereaved to complete along the journey of mourning (Funeral Guide, 2019): Phase I: Avoidance The first stage of Rando’s model is similar to the Denial stage in Kübler-Ross’s model. At first, the bereaved avoids thinking about their loss or acknowledging it in any way. To bring this stage to a close, the bereaved person must complete the first of the tasks and recognize the loss they have sustained. Phase II: Confrontation When the bereaved person is ready to acknowledge their loss, they are called to react to it and embrace and express the full gamut of emotions the loss elicits. The next task, recollect and re-experience , involves memorializing the deceased. A funeral can be an ideal setting for this task as loved ones can gather to share memories and understand what the life of their departed loved one means to them. The final task of Phase II, to relinquish
PART II: DIFFERENT PEOPLE, DIFFERENT LOSS, DIFFERENT GRIEF
This section of the course explores the different experiences and issues that may arise for your clients depending on the kind of loss they have sustained or where they are their lives. It also Complicated grief Grief that is truly debilitating and does not improve with time is known as complicated grief. Especially in response to the loss of a loved one, grief is a natural part of life, but eventually, this natural grief may shade into complicated grief, at which point those experiencing it may be well advised to seek treatment. Finding the boundary between “normal” grief and “pathological” grief is tricky and different recommendations exist. The Mayo Clinic (2022), for instance, recommends that a bereaved person seek help if they continue to experience significant disruption in their life due to grief more than a year after loss, whereas the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM‑5) classifies what it terms “Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder,” as the Loss of a child The grief caused for a parent by the death of their child is exceptionally intense and disorienting. There is something fundamentally wrong about a parent outliving their child, and this is reflected in the findings of numerous studies. Although we may not have needed a study to tell us this, loss of a child has been empirically and consistently rated as one of the most intensely negative life experiences it is possible to have (Holmes and Rahe, 1967). When a child dies, so too may a whole set of life structures: a role as a caregiver, membership in communities and families, and relationships with spouses and others. In addition to the Loss of a life partner The loss of a life partner is a devastating blow. When two people have built their lives together, a partner’s death can feel like it is
provides suggestions for the specific kinds of support that may help your clients based on their loss.
presence of certain grief-related symptoms six months after a loss (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Recommending or even simply mentioning the possibility of seeking help to clients is delicate, but whether you broach the subject or not, learning to recognize symptoms of complicated grief can help you act more empathically and helpfully as a funeral director. Besides extended duration, complicated grief may be characterized by: ● An inability to focus on anything but loss. ● Numbness, detachment, or anhedonia (the inability to feel pleasure). ● Social isolation and a lack of trust. ● Feelings of guilt and shame surrounding loss. ● Thoughts of self-harm or suicide. emotional toll, the loss of a child is associated with loss of physical health, with bereaved parents experiencing higher rates of cardiovascular disease, chronic disease, and mortality (Goldstein, 2018). The grief parents experience has also been found to be almost uniquely long-lasting compared to grief from other causes (Rando, 1986). Support groups for parents who have lost children may help your clients cope. In addition to local ones, ones with online or national presence also exist. Three such include the Forever Family Foundation, Grieving Parents, and Bereaved Parents of the USA.
ripping one’s own life apart. In addition to dealing with the grief of losing any loved one, those who have lost their partner may
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