psychological and neurobiological development. Securely attached children “get in sync with their environment and the people around them and develop self-awareness, empathy, impulse control, and self-motivation” (van der Kolk, 2014, p. 113). Providing all of the healthy attachment ingredients, all the time, is no easy task. Naturally, many caregivers worry that their occasional lapses in attunement or failures to connect mean that they are failing their children (Hubert & Aujoulat, 2018). It is important to reassure parents that healthy attachment relationships require only “good enough” caregiving. In other words, infrequent missteps in attunement are fine, especially when they occur in the context of primarily positive interactions; in fact, children are often comforted in learning that “broken connections can be repaired” (van der Kolk, 2014, p. 119). Recent attention has been brought to the concept of mindful parenting, which can help allow parents to respond nonjudgmentally and supportively to both their child and themselves (Shorey & Ng, 2021). Attachment Failures “Good enough” caregiving implies that attachment relationships do not require perfection; however, continued attachment failures, without repair, can ultimately become traumatic for the child. Commonly, clinicians attend to the “capital T” traumas (e.g., shootings, assaults, or natural disasters) because such traumas are difficult to miss. Yet attachment failures act as “little t” traumas that can be easily overlooked but equally damaging (Tambelli et al., 2015). Humphreys and Zeanah (2015) define traumatic attachment failures as “deviations from expectable environmental inputs” (p. 155), either resulting from lack of necessary, positive inputs (e.g., in cases of neglect or deprivation), or the presence of damaging inputs (e.g., hostile or abusive parenting). Some examples include (van der Kolk, 2014): ● Emotional unavailability and unreliable parenting resulting from a parent’s preoccupation with their own issues ● Distressed, unpredictable parenting ● Intrusive or hostile caregiving actions ● Rejection of the child’s attempts at connection ● The parent’s extreme expression of helplessness or fear to the child ● Generally withdrawn parenting ● An overdependence on the child to meet adult needs Trauma Symptoms in Children D’Andrea and colleagues (2012) synthesize the research on child-specific trauma symptoms into the major domains of dysregulation of affect, disturbances of attention and consciousness, distortions in attribution, and interpersonal difficulties. ● Dysregulation of affect: Children with trauma histories may express a range of challenging emotions and atypical affective responses. One end of this range is a more passive perspective, with some children who may be overregulated displaying unresponsive or inappropriate affect, and becoming internalized or withdrawn (D’Andrea et al., 2012). The other, more active, end of the range includes children who may have unregulated or explosive affective expressions, be highly demonstratively reactive, and rely on more aggressive affective expressions in attempts to exert control over their emotions (D’Andrea et al., 2012).
These unreliable, inappropriate, or simply absent caregiving styles function as traumatic experiences for the child. It is easy to infer that attachment failures may be damaging, but there is also neurobiological research that provides multilevel, affirmative support for this view. Convincing evidence backs up the theory that attachment failures fuel increased stress reactivity and the development of a dysfunctional stress regulation system (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2018). Additionally, a preponderance of research has shown that brain systems pivotal for emotion regulation and executive function are underdeveloped in children lacking healthy attachment relationships (Schore, 2019a). The persistent absence of healthy attachment interactions seems to impair “healthy physical, mental and emotional health” (Harvard University, Center on the Developing Child, 2022, p. 1). The compromising effects of traumatic attachment experiences can present in many ways for children. When children learn that their fear, pleading, crying, and general attempts to engage “do not register with the caregiver,” they are conditioned for defeat and a diminished sense of self that continues throughout adulthood (van der Kolk, 2014, p. 116), and they may not learn how to rely on social input and supports (Kerpelman & Pittman, 2018). Additionally, children who do not have their needs met learn to discount their inner needs and sensations and instead seek excessive input or unquestionably adopt the perspectives of others (Kerpelman & Pittman, 2018). This “Faustian bargain” means that these children close off a piece of their self-identity and are unable to rely on their bodies for feedback regarding purpose and direction (Fosha, 2013; van der Kolk, 2014). Finally, children who experience traumatic attachment failures may (van der Kolk, 2014, p. 120): ● Have “difficulty regulating their moods and emotional responses” ● Demonstrate more externalizing or internalizing symptoms ● Have poorer peer relationships ● Develop a range of psychiatric problems ● Demonstrate greater physiological arousal (e.g., a greater number of circulating stress hormones and lowered immune function) Ultimately, traumatic and problematic attachment serves as a risk factor for multiple trauma-related outcomes, whereas secure attachment seems to inoculate the individual with a kind of emotional resilience (van der Kolk, 2014). ● Disturbances of attention and consciousness: Childhood trauma “may manifest as dissociation, depersonalization, memory disturbance, inability to concentrate (regardless of whether the task evokes trauma reminders), and disrupted executive functioning (e.g., ability to plan, problem solve)” (D’Andrea et al., 2012, p. 189). ● Distortions in attribution: After traumatic experiences, children may experience distortions in worldviews and views of the self. They may engage in cognitive distortions regarding the attribution of their experiences, blaming themselves or generalizing the terrible acts of one adult with all adults. These children may engage in harmful self-talk that diminishes their sense of worth (D’Andrea et al., 2012) or perceive positive or neutral experiences as threatening.
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