reaching this landmark by remarking, “I no longer define myself in relation to penises anymore.” Continued attention is paid to the prior two stages of the healing work, as pockets of traumatic memory may continue to resurface. New information may emerge, or new stages of life are encountered that trigger other recollections, but these are usually dealt with more quickly and in a less deregulating manner than previous traumatic memories. This is a time for focusing on mastery of fear and perhaps challenging the self physically to reconnect more fully with the body’s capacities for mastery, strength, and pleasure (van der Kolk, 2014). Some survivors take up a sport or participate in outdoor adventure experiences. It is a time for liberation of the capacity for imagination, for play and fun, and for love and creativity, all of which took a backseat in the psyche while the energy needed for them was bound up in traumatic memory and affect. Reconnection implies increased capacity for intimacy with the self and with others. Intimacy with the self can come in the form of increased self-knowledge and an increased comfort in being alone. Being able to enjoy being alone, in addition to tolerating it, allows the individual to pursue creative endeavors that entail solitary time, such as art, writing, and meditation, for the sake of their calming and regulating functions as well as for the sake of pure enjoyment and creative pleasure. Comfort with self-intimacy also implies greater comfort and ease in the body; no longer feeling like the body is the scene of a crime; and taking pleasure in a sense of aliveness, physical power and mastery, and the enjoyment of sexuality, whether with a partner or with self. Reconnecting with others involves connecting in meaningful relationships with friends, partners, children, family members, colleagues, social groups, spiritual or religious groups, and leisure pursuits. Enhanced intimacy means a greater capacity to enjoy the company of others, without fear of victimization, and having enough sense of one’s own personal power that the client feels comfortable standing up for themselves as needed. Sexuality and love relationships can be enjoyed as well, without issues of basic trust and fear of abandonment being foremost. It is a time of reclaiming pride in the self (Courtois & Ford, 2012). Many survivors adopt a survivor mission as part of their healing processes. After having achieved enough consolidation of self and freedom from the tyranny of intrusive traumatic recollections, they feel the desire to give back in some capacity, often in a sphere that is in some way connected with their previous traumas (Delker et al., 2019). Some survivors get involved in arenas involving social justice, humanitarian endeavors, civil rights, healthcare or mental health care, or helping children in some capacity. While this can be a useful and empowering path for some, it is important to not place this expectation on clients, as it can contribute to a narrative of “redemption” in which something positive follows a negative event and places undue burden on survivors to become advocates (Delker et al., 2020). Case Example Midway through her course of treatment, Katie had a dream about “saving children over the sea.” The dream had a powerful effect on her; however, she did not know for a long time what it meant or whether it was in some way literal or primarily symbolic. Two years ago when one of her sisters, who had also been physically and sexually abused by their father throughout her childhood, died of breast cancer in England, Katie took on the responsibility of staying in touch with her six nieces and nephews, who were 7 through 16 years old. She sent them cards and presents
for their birthdays and holidays, visited at length every time she went overseas to visit her family, began an individual email correspondence with three of the six children, and sponsored the eldest to come to the U.S. when he finished his schooling. Later in treatment, she and her therapist recalled the dream and noticed how she was in the process of fulfilling it. She took great comfort and pride in her strength and the capacity for commitment to her sister’s children that enabled her to stand up and volunteer to be there for them “for the long run,” given that she had now displayed that strength and commitment for herself through her long-term therapeutic relationship. This is a time when some survivors also take on the task of confronting others: Their offenders, people who did not protect them, or government agencies that did not provide the needed support or assistance (Herman, 1997). This is not a choice that everyone makes, even if the option exists. (Some offenders may no longer be alive, or the survivor may not know of their whereabouts.) When confrontation is chosen as part of the healing process, careful preparation is necessary (Herman, 1997). The survivor needs to be able to take on this task for their own satisfaction, not because their healing depends on a specific result. The offender rarely responds in an ideal way, which would entail a full admission of guilt; a request for forgiveness; and an offer of restitution for the emotional, physical, and financial suffering caused by their actions. Instead, at best, the response may be a partial acknowledgment of past transgressions; typically, the denial continues unabated. The client must be prepared for the full range of possible responses and be strong in the knowledge that their own healing process is not dependent on the offender’s response. Premature confrontation can lead to disappointment or setbacks in recovery. Case Example 1 Pam disclosed during her initial interview that she had confronted her uncle a few years ago on her own. She said that although he did not deny the abuse, he did not acknowledge it either. He stated that it “ran in the family.” This new information was appalling to Pam because she had not considered whether it may have happened to anyone else or that it might be multigenerational. This new possibility “shook her world” and she then had to regain her equilibrium from her own trauma as well as from the possibility that it had happened to others in her family. Case Example 2 John spent the better part of a year in therapy discussing the details of how, when, with whom, and where he would confront his emotionally and physically abusive mother with the effects that her upbringing had on him. By the time he sat down to speak with her, he had considered a broad range of her possible responses and how he would respond to each scenario. Clients should be prepared for the reality that many times confrontation is not a one-time event. It is usually a process with multiple aspects that occurs over time. Preparations for the actual confrontation as well as the aftermath of the encounter may involve several meetings. At this time in the healing process, the client may also decide to break their silence and secrecy and inform others about the abuse, including family members, friends, and lovers, or in a public forum, as has been the case in recent times with the multitude of disclosures of sexual abuse by clergy. This stage of healing involves facing and planning for the future, rather than being bound up in the past. Old trauma- based relationships must be transformed, and new ones that are not formed through the trauma lens need to be created. Herman (1997) confirms that empowerment and connection need to replace isolation and helplessness. In this stage,
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Book Code: SWPA1525
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