comfort down the line since they were an active participant in the event. By inviting children to participate, their grief is validated, and they feel their importance. Participating is a way to actively express their grief. Remember that studies taken post-funeral show that families often wish their events were even more personalized. Funeral should be as individual as the deceased they honor. Based on age and abilities, they can: 1. Help compile photographs. 2. Help chose flowers. 3. Give input on readings. 4. Write something and read it themselves, or have someone else do so.
5. Draw pictures. 6. Help select a prayer card. 7. Help or make a slideshow. 8. Help decide what clothing will be worn, if an open casket. 9. Make something or chose something to be included in the casket, such as a drawing, photograph, memento, or even an object of the child's. 10. Light a candle or candles. 11. Construct a memory box or jar that is filled with things that remind them of their loved one; they can display the box or jar at the funeral and then take it home with them.
DISCUSSING THE REMAINS WITH MINORS
Burials If the deceased will be in an open casket, explain that the deceased will be lying down and will look like themselves, but also will not look exactly the same. Their chest will not be rising and falling. The child should be told that their parent will have makeup on and that the child will see that their parent is no longer alive; the child will know there is a difference between a sleeping form and their parent’s body. Be honest that they can touch the parent, but the body will not feel the same; it will be cold and hard. Cremation If the deceased is being cremated and the child would like to view the body, most mortuaries can arrange that visit. Again, this is a time to allow the child to lead in their choices, but make sure every detail of what they will see is explained to them. Explain the process if the family has already decided the deceased will be interred Additional guidance for the family Suggest that they reach out to friends and acquaintances who lost their own parent as a child. Assure the family that those people will not likely feel awkward or put upon. In fact, people who had that experience will be honored to share their own experiences. The act of talking about their own loss in a way that will help a child will actually bring them comfort as well. Suggest that the family set aside a time a day or two after the funeral specifically to sit with each child individually to talk about the funeral experience. The days before the funeral and immediately afterward are such a whirlwind that people often don’t take the time to simply process the experience. Simply rehashing thoughts on who they saw and what was said can help people of all ages fully understand and come to terms with this major life change. This sort of debriefing is crucial for young children who might have additional questions afterward. As we know, Conclusion The loss of a loved one can be the most profoundly difficult point in many people’s lives. Those who choose mortuary sciences as a career often say that it is rewarding to be of service to families during these vulnerable times. Many also believe it's a high calling to have the responsibility of honoring the deceased in the way they wanted or would have appreciated. Mourning is a private thing for most of our clients, and the funeral service is about remembering and memorializing a
Very young children might even have to have a cemetery explained to them. Base your answers on their ages; that is, give simple answers, but allow the child to continue to ask questions. They will stop asking when they are satisfied with the answers. Again: Honesty is truly the only option at this time. Suggest that the remaining family tell the children they can visit the grave site whenever they want. Again, control will help them feel comfortable. in a mausoleum. If the family has decided the deceased’s remains will be in a receptacle in the home, explain that. Very young children will need to hear more details that we might not consider. You or the family must be sure to tell the child that the parent will not feel any pain, that their body will not be placed directly into the fire, and so on. children have active imaginations, and they can have all manner of inaccurate ideas about any aspect of what has happened. They might keep these incorrect thoughts to themselves if time to discuss is not factored in. Remind the guardians of the children that grief is not linear. Children whose parents pass away will have ebbs and flows of grief over the course of their life. Tell them to watch for such things as changes in grades at school, eating habits, and friend groups. While youth and adolescence are certainly a time for experimentation and change, serious and sudden shifts in usual behaviors can signal a need for counsel. Children inherently know when they’re being “tricked,” and this is no time to do so. As difficult as it can be, there is no place for euphemisms when it comes to death. It’s best to be transparent and direct. Euphemisms can even backfire and cause confusion. great person’s life in an environment of celebration. Helping people at a difficult time knowing you can make a difference to their farewell can be a profound moment for the funeral professional. These people will remember who you were to them at one of the most upending moments of their lives. Many funeral directors see their role as serving a greater purpose, some even iterating a modified proverb known as the Peter Parker principle: "With great responsibility comes great reward."
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