8. That said, just as the client(s) should be allowed to grieve in whatever manner they need, they should be allowed to direct the funeral proceedings in any manner, within reason, that they chose. Our culture is changing in many ways, and it’s possible that people will want to customize the event(s) to suit their or their loved one’s ideas or personality, like a balloon release or nontraditional music. The funeral directors (and clergy) must meet the desires of our new culture that demands value for its investment and strives to create practicality and efficiency in all facets of their life. 9. As we stated earlier, funeral proceedings are for the living, so another suggestion you might make is allowing as many people as would like to speak to do so, rather Grieving minors Family members will often come to you for guidance on whether children should attend funerals. While there are sometimes exceptions, most grief counselors and youth mental health specialists concur that funerals are appropriate and even necessary for children. It allows them to accept the death, say a final goodbye, and honor their parent’s life. In fact, the American Psychological Association published a study done with 125 children with assessments at the first- and second-year anniversary of the death. The study shows that the children recognized the meaning of the funeral and were glad they went and were a part of it. Attending also helped them begin to develop a healthy grieving process. Funerals can give a child the same sense of closure that they give an adult. Children need the same sort of community and grief support that adults do. Adults who lost their parents as children often cite the amount of people who came to the funeral as a truly comforting aspect of the loss. The atmosphere of love and nurturing can help a bereft child feel supported in this lonely, unprecedented time. However, no one should force a child to attend. The child must be given the autonomy to opt out, even while they’re encouraged to attend. Tell them stories of other experiences you’ve had as a funeral director with children who attended and spoke to you about their experience. Encourage family members to tell the children about their own experience or experiences of people they know. Often the concept that Preparing minors for the services Be open and honest about death; it’s really the only choice. Be transparent about all of the details, and arm minors with information. Advise family members to tell children what they might see and hear. Offer to meet with children in your role as a funeral professional and answer other questions the child might have. Be direct about what the child will see and experience. They might be able to ask you questions they’re afraid to ask their grieving family members. You can help them understand what to expect and answer questions to help them as they make the decision on what events to attend. This includes talking to them about what they might see and hear. Remember to talk to them about the emotions and feelings they or the other people in attendance might have. Assure them that it will be ok, even expected, for them to express happiness when they see friends and relatives at the event. Children can become unsettled when they see adults crying; it’s best that they know that might happen. Assure them that some people will be laughing, too, and all of these emotions are normal. Frame the event with honest and
than the immediate family carrying the burden on their own. With more stories there will be more laughter, more tears, and more engagement by the attendees. By allowing a multitude of others' voices to portray the life of the deceased during the service, a richer experience will be had for all. 10. Suggest that they add a moment during the serve to start with a simple question, “Who’d like to share some memories?” It’s perfectly ok and probably a good idea for the immediate family to tell others close to the deceased that this moment will happen, in case anyone would like to prepare a bit and think about some specific moments. they’re making a choice can empower them to make the more mature choice. You might even hint that no one would want them to regret not participating later. Emphasize that this moment, the funeral, is something that every culture has done throughout history, and marking the moment with this ceremony is significant. Children are sponges, as we know, and love story. You might suggest some wonderful books on loss, like https:// www.weareteachers.com/childrens-books-about-death/ or https://stillstandingmag.com/2018/05/28/books-bereaved- siblings/. If the child is a bit older or you discover that they love to learn, you might suggest Death and Bereavement Across Cultures by Pittu Laungani and William Young or other books that discuss how various cultures process death. The universality of the experience can do a lot in helping a grieving child, no matter their age, feel less alone. Suggest that family enlist the help of a family friend to be designated as the person who will remove the child from the funeral should they become overwhelmed, just like the bodyguard for adults suggested previously. Often, just knowing they can leave if and when they want to will help them decide that they can, in fact, attend. It’s possible that the child will feel comfortable about attending some of the services but not all. For example, the child might want to attend the viewing or memorial but not attend the actual burial. Remember, and assure the family, no answer is the “right” answer. No answer is universal. simplicity: “this is a special day to come together with other people who love _____ and say a special goodbye.” Even some preteens have never been to a funeral, so try to anticipate even the most basic questions. Young children might need to be told that many people will be wearing black and other dark colors, and that people generally dress up to show respect. Older children might need to be prepared for standing in a receiving line and what that entails. Obviously, the family will chose whether there are several viewing times, a single viewing, the length of the memorial itself, and so forth. If your funeral home does not have a separate children’s room, consider discussing a “quiet corner” with the family. You or the family can supply books, coloring books, puzzles, and other quiet activities. Involve the kids in whatever ways they are comfortable. For many children, active participation will help on so many levels. Being engaged in the event itself will help them feel at least partially in control of the event. This involvement will help them in the early days after the loss as it will give them something productive to do, and it will give them
Page 19
Book Code: FOK0425
EliteLearning.com/Funeral
Powered by FlippingBook