[PFLAG], 2014). Of course, when a family comes out, they also do so in the context of heterosexism and homophobia as they currently exist in the larger society. Parents will often need to grieve that their children will not grow up and marry a person of the gender that the parents thought they would; their children may not have children (although plenty of LGB adults have their own children) or may have children in non-traditional ways; and the realization that they (the parents) will need to either hide their child’s LGB identity or come out to their own friends, other relatives, and so forth when one day asked why their child is not married (to the opposite gender). The challenges heterosexism and homophobia present regarding these tasks should be acknowledged and addressed as part of the family’s or parents’ own coming out process (Saltzburg, 2009). It should be noted that the above is applicable when a youth explicitly comes out. There are other situations in which, for many reasons, families might “suspect” for years (even into adulthood) that their children or siblings are LGB, including that they never date someone of the other gender and/or they have a close “companion” of the same sex. In these cases, the youth is at least partially closeted and, therefore, the family’s perception (which may not be confirmed) is that the youth is LGB. To show support, families can help normalize same-sex relationships by asking if their loved one has “someone special” in her or his life (instead of an assumed gender-specific role). Additionally, families can create an atmosphere of support by clarifying their affirming view of LGB people in general, discussing LGB people and lives in everyday conversation, including well-known personalities such as Ellen DeGeneres, and/or by viewing age-appropriate LGB characters and stories in the media (e.g., television programs such as Modern Family and Glee ), and affirming support of marriage equality or other issues of interest to the LGB community. Parents may learn of their own child’s LGB identification at the same time they learn their child is involved in a romantic relationship. Although sometimes the parents are instantly accepting of their child and their child’s girlfriend or boyfriend, often this information can be overwhelming. Whenever possible, parents and other relatives need to avoid the Tragically, individuals are still targeted for violence because they are gay, lesbian, or bisexual (as well as transgender). According to Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) statistics, 20.2% of reported hate crimes in 2013 were based on sexual orientation (FBI, 2014). While this percentage does not break down the age range of those who were victimized, it does depict a social reality in which LGB youth know that violence can occur and they need to be somewhat vigilant for their safety. In 2009, President Obama signed the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr., Hate Crimes Prevention Act, which expands federal definitions of hate crimes to include those related to sexual orientation (U.S. Department of Justice, n.d.). Violence also occurs in school in the form of bullying. According to the Human Rights Campaign, youth who are LGB (as well as transgender youth) are twice as likely to report being bullied in the forms of verbal harassment, physical assault, and online harassment (cyberbullying) as non-LGBT students (Human Rights Campaign [HRC], n.d.). Bullying takes place both in person and as cyberbullying through social media like Facebook and Myspace (HRC, 2011). This genuine fear of bullying and other violence can result in LGB youth avoiding school or having difficulties concentrating on their schoolwork because they are understandably concerned for their safety and avoiding harassment. In some schools, a common prevention/intervention for bullying is having “safe spaces” in school in which a student can report bullying behavior. In essence, the school administration should appropriately intervene without bias to address this form of bullying; however, the reality is that schools range widely in how aware of and concerned they are about the Violence and bullying Impact on youth
“exceptionalization” argument in which parents make an “exception” for their child being LGB. In other words, parents might accept their child being LGB because the child is “not like” other LGB individuals. Parents might cite their love for the child and/or the child’s adherence to gender conformity, which allows them to accept their child being LGB while still maintaining a homophobic stance toward other LGB individuals. When this attitude is pervasive, it can negatively affect the youth and her or his relationship as the parents accept their child but not the child’s boyfriend or girlfriend. In actuality, this indicates that the parents have not completely accepted their child’s LGB sexual orientation because, if they did, such acceptance would encompass all of the child’s life, including choice of relationship and the romantic partner as well. Many parents and other relatives gradually become more comfortable with having an LGB family member and can go through a self-reflective process that reminds them that the unconditional love they have for the youth will see their family through this “adjustment.” In these cases, family therapy as well as adjunct therapies can be extremely helpful. However, for other families, their grief process becomes stuck on anger, emotional abuse, physical abuse, and perhaps abandonment (where the youth is forced to leave the family home). Although such negative responses to stress may be temporary in some families, for others they serve as permanent wedges and cause a lifetime of estrangement. Unlike most other forms of prejudice where, for example, parents provide support for their children who are experiencing challenges associated with racism, LGB youth cannot always assume that their parents will be sources of support. Indeed, this support can vary and change so much over time that the safe anchor that parents typically provide for their children cannot be automatically assumed. What is clear is that parental rejection of a child who comes out increases that youth’s risks, whereas supportive parent-child relations better protect LGB youth from the challenges they face (Ryan & Diaz, 2011). Family therapy is therefore an increasingly important intervention for youth because even small improvements in family relations can be pivotal for their self-esteem and development. bullying of LGB students. This presents an additional challenge for students enduring bullying because they are identified as LGB. Fortunately, if “out” youth can forge ahead despite bullying at school, they can experience better long-term well- being (Russell, Toomey, Ryan, & Diaz, 2014). Finally, violence can at times occur in the home, where parents might physically abuse and/or neglect their children upon finding out they are LGB. Youth may either be forced to leave their homes or they choose to run away from a violent household. It is estimated that 15% to 30% of homeless youth are LGB (as well as questioning and transgender) and face major challenges of surviving on the streets, including survival sex, substance misuse, homophobia, suicide risk, and sexual exploitation (Rosario, Schrimshaw, & Hunter, 2012; Sherouse, 2015; Winter, Elze, Salzburg, & Rosenwald, in press). Federal programs are beginning to respond to the need to help this population (Winter et al., 2015). Family response The ideal family response is one of complete support. Parents and other relatives should create an atmosphere in which their children feel safe to report that they have been a victim of a hate crime or have been bullied at school. Youth who are not out to their parents may actively hide the fact that they are being bullied precisely because to disclose this would highlight that they are being targeted for their sexual orientation, which would risk outing them before they are ready. Most parents who are aware of their child’s LGB identity are very concerned about their children’s safety after they come out. They can take the lead in maintaining open lines of communication and periodically checking to see how safe their children feel in the school and the
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