depending on what the partnership was with the departed and the various roles the deceased filled. Many widows require a substantial amount of time to understand what it is like to live without their husbands. This awareness often starts to surface around 3 to 4 months after the loss. It includes coming to grips with living alone, raising children alone, facing an empty house, and handling finances alone. Internal Adjustments: Not only will the bereaved adapt to the loss of responsibilities that the deceased had previously filled, but death also presents them with the task of adapting to their sense of self. Widows and bereaved parents need to understand how death affects their self-definition, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. Some studies suggest that for women who define their identity through relationships and caring for others, bereavement means not only the loss of a partner but also the sense of self-loss. Spiritual Adjustments: The third field of adjustment is the understanding of the universe that one has. Grief is an effort to rebuild a world of meaning threatened by the loss, which (Neimeyer, Prigerson & Davies, 2002) raises two challenges: a. interpreting the event account of death to make sense of what happened and its consequences for the continued life of the mourner; and b. accessing the back story of the relationship with the deceased as a means of reconstructing an ongoing continuing bond. The foundations of one's world may be rocked by death. Loss through death can challenge the fundamental values of one's life and moral beliefs — beliefs influenced by their family, friends, schooling, and faith, and life experiences. It is not strange for the bereaved to believe that they have lost direction in life. The bereaved find meaning in the loss, and the accompanying life changes, to make sense of it and recover some influence of his or her life. The September 11, 2001 attacks questioned these three underlying beliefs and more. Such challenges are often likely to emerge when violent and untimely deaths occur. Moms whose young children fall victim to drive-by shootings may often struggle with understanding why God has allowed such a thing to happen (Worden, 2018). Task IV: To Find a Way to Remember the Deceased While Embarking on the Rest of One’s Journey Through Life This concept was initially suggested by Freud when he claimed that grieving has quite a precise psychical role, which is to detach the survivor’s hopes and memories from the dead. We now understand that people do not detach from the dead but find ways to remember the deceased. Sometimes these remembrances and connections are called continuing bonds. The fourth task of mourning, therefore, should establish a place for the deceased that will enable the mourner to memorialize the deceased but in a way that will not preclude him or her from going on with life. We ought to find ways of memorializing, that is, remembering dead loved ones—keeping them with us but still going on with life (Worden, 2018).
Freud’s theory of grief work emphasizes on the idea of personal attachment. According to Freud, a grieving person is always in search of an object of attachment, which he has lost. He further defines the state of mourning as detachment or disconnection from a loved one. Task I: To Accept the Reality of the Loss Even if someone anticipates the death of a loved one, they may still struggle with accepting the reality of the situation after the loved one passed away. They may experience a new feeling that they did not previously feel. The first step of mourning is to come face to face with the fact of the person being dead, the person is gone, and not coming back. Part of realizing this is believing that reunification with the lost loved one is unlikely, at least in this lifetime. The searching conduct, about which Bowlby and Parkes wrote extensively, relates directly to the fulfilment of this task. Many people who have lost a loved one may find themselves crying out for the missing person, and often, they appear to misidentify others in their environment. They may be walking down the street, see somebody who reminds them of the deceased, and then have to tell themselves that the person they see is not actually their loved one as their loved one has passed (Worden, 2018). As an initial step, funeral directors should help mourners come to terms with their loss. This entails helping them acknowledge the reality and permanence of death. Task II: To Process the Pain of Grief Acknowledging and working through the pain associated with loss is essential, or it may manifest itself through physical symptoms or some form of abnormal behavior. According to psychiatrist and researcher, Parkes, anything that helps the bereaved to escape or minimize the pain of grief prolongs the grieving cycle. This is because it prevents the survivor from completely going through the pain of grief. (Parkes & Prigerson, 2013). Not everybody experiences or feels the same amount of pain, but it is almost impossible to lose someone you have been profoundly attached to without experiencing any kind of pain. Often the newly bereaved are unprepared to deal with the sheer force and nature of the emotions following a loss (Rubin, 1990). A variety of interrelated factors decide the type of pain and its severity. On the other hand, recent studies on attachment styles indicate that after death, there are specific individuals who do not experience much, if any, pain. One explanation is that they do not allow themselves to become attached to someone and show an avoidant style of attachment (Kosminsky & Jordan, 2016). Task III: To Adjust to a World Without the Deceased Three adjustment areas need to be addressed after a loved one's loss to death. There are the external adjustments, or how death affects one's daily functioning in the world; internal adjustments, or how death affects one's sense of identity; and spiritual adjustments, or how death affects one's convictions, beliefs, and presumptions about the world (Worden, 2018). Let us look at those individually. External Adjustments: Transitioning to a new world without the deceased means different things for different persons,
HELPING THE BEREAVED
the disadvantaged person – offering particular support if appropriate. Encourage bereaved people to draw from their inner reserves by questioning how they coped with challenging circumstances in the past; ● Avoid platitudes such as 'time is a healer,' 'keep your head up,' 'count your blessings,' etc. ● Aid bereaved people with focusing on the entire life of the individual they have lost, not only the painful phase at the end.
How do you console somebody who has lost someone they love? The grieving person may feel lost and alone, but if you use the right words and give the proper support, as they start rebuilding their lives, you can make a big difference. Anyone who mourns a loved one's death can think of nothing else but the person they have lost. You can start by showing interest in the deceased person quite simply by expressing a genuine desire to know about the lost loved one’s qualities, background, stories, hobbies, career, family, or anything else closely connected to them. This will provide comfort and help during their bereavement. It is also important to use practical acts such as: going beyond expressions of concern to ask questions about who helps
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Book Code: FFL1223
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