Children The death of a child is a difficult time for everyone involved. It is not considered natural in life for parents or grandparents to attend to funeral arrangements for children. Arranging and preparing for children’s services can be difficult for directors and the other funeral home staff members involved. A child’s services can be considerably more complex and challenging when multiple cultures and traditions are represented in the family’s maternal and paternal sides. Arrangements can likewise be more difficult when the parents of the decedent are separated from one another. When a child or unmarried young adult passes away, the priority right of arrangements, except under certain circumstances, lies equally with both parents. This is an extremely difficult time for any parent, and even more so when a level of animosity already exists between the parents. The parent’s strained relationship contributes to a complicated situation and the influence of the extended families such as the decedent’s grandparents. Several factors frequently contribute to disputes among families of children who have died. Of these, disputes can be induced by the resurfacing of previous hostilities. Disputes over children in life can be an incredible source of tension and resentment. These feelings of discord can extend to times of death and even invoke hostilities to serve as a weapon to cause pain to the other parent. The arrangement conference period may be the first occasion for family members and previous members of the same family to encounter one another after death. Most significantly, this first encounter can begin with a high level of tension and uncertainty regarding the overall emotional environment. Divorces, separations, and child custody battles can be incredibly difficult and toxic for children’s parents. The tension and toxicity of the relationships are not limited to only those directly involved. The animosity can, and generally does, extend to the extended members of the parent’s family, such as their parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and others. The dissolving of a marriage or relationship is an emotionally taxing time for all involved. It can especially be difficult on the family members of the couple separating, albeit in a different way than that of the actual couple. The couple’s family is not always privy to all of the details and often hears but one side of the story. There can be a tremendous amount of resentment from extended family members when coming into contact with a previous family member. The incredible stress added from the death of a child serves to charge the environment incredibly emotionally. Cultural traditions vs. illegalities It has become popular and commonplace for funeral homes and mortuaries to seek to personalize services as much as possible for families. Even when events, such as funerals and memorial services, are steeped in tradition, many aspects may be customized and personalized. Traditional customs and practices worldwide follow families and continue to migrate and build lives in the United States. Some of the practices that families request may seem unusual to directors, while others seem completely strange. Regardless of how a particular practice seems to a director, they should do everything possible to accommodate the practice requested. There can be legal issues for some practices that are requested. However, a director thinking outside the box and with some creativity can sometimes make the request possible. The majority of the request made by families can be honored with some ingenuity and creativity. Many historical practices that would cross the line of legal acts in modern society are no longer practiced. To use an extreme example, numerous cultural societies in history are believed to have made human sacrifices while preparing the deceased for the afterlife. The sacrifices were believed, in many cases, to be made so that those sacrificed could serve or travel with the deceased into the afterlife. A
The individual families of the parents may already be divided from previous unresolved hostilities. Death can resurrect the old hostilities and grievances. There are even occasions when parents may intentionally or unintentionally use the control over their child’s funeral arrangements as a way of one last battle over custody. Parents may also attempt to exercise control over the arrangements as an attempt to inflict emotional harm on others from a sense of retribution (“Resolving Funeral Disputes,” 2016). When a mutually agreed resolution cannot be agreed upon, the final remaining option is sometimes the legal system’s involvement. It is imperative for directors always to remain vigilant and cognizant of the court system’s possible eventual involvement. When attorneys and the court system become involved written, electronic, and verbal records of the director can come under examination in a public forum. There are also potential issues that may arise from religious and cultural differences among family members. Even when parents may still be joined together in marriage, partnership, or have a cordially respectful relationship, there can still be conflict in selecting services and arrangements. Children who pass away may not have reached an age to fully establish their own set of beliefs and thus may be exposed to both parents’ religious beliefs or practices. Likewise, the child may not have been exposed to either parents’ beliefs or practices in any meaningful way. When couples of differing faiths are joined together, there are several ways their future religious paths may take, and thus that of their children. Some couples choose to remain faithful to their personal beliefs and practices in a mutually respectful way to one another. Other couples choose to honor one partner’s faith and traditions mutually. A third choice is for both parents to refrain from formal religious practice predominately. When a child’s death occurs, pressure may come from either parent to honor the dead in the traditional religious method they subscribe. When pressure is not applied from either parent, it can be presented from wither parent’s family. Whereas the parent or family of either belief or practice may not fully understand the opposing belief or practice, a professionally trained and experienced death care professional is in a position to be familiar with both views. This familiarity provides the director with the ability to explain various aspects of traditional services to the family while also exploring options for compromise. The inclusion of ministers, clergy, or other faith-based leaders can likewise help arrive at a compromise. When the child had reached an age of potentially developing his or her own beliefs, the suggestion of focusing on this fact can be of benefit. request of this magnitude or nature in modern society should be reported to authorities forthwith. Other requests may initially appear to be impossible or even illegal until exploring other options. For example, it may be traditional for a family to celebrate a family member’s life and perform the burial service during hours when the sun is down. In many areas, especially in metropolitan areas, cemeteries are closed at a particular time in the evening or sunset. When initially considering the cemetery rules and the family’s tradition, it may seem the request cannot be honored. However, with some creative planning and compromise on the part of the family, a funeral service provider may assist them in traditionally and adequately honoring their loved one. If acceptable to the firm’s management and policies, the family may be able to have the service in the funeral chapel in the evening or at night. Alternatively, the family may hold the service overnight at their church, a place of worship, at their home, or an alternative venue. Although the cemetery may refuse to bend their policies, the family could observe the traditional services and potentially perform the burial service the following morning.
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Book Code: FFL1223
EliteLearning.com/Funeral
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