UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOR I: EMOTION VS. LOGIC
related behavior, including impatience, anger, sadness, and overreaction. In some people, long-term reactions to stress may include depression. Learning how to interact with difficult people and address difficult behavior involves a number of steps. The first step is learning to identify the receiver’s own emotional responses in a difficult interaction and knowing the following about human emotions and behavior: Much of how one thinks and acts is a matter of habit, or repeated patterns of behavior, including the way one deals with difficult people or situations. If one’s habits, attitudes, and/or reactions are negative, then the results tend to be negative, too. The challenge is to express the negative emotions in useful, positive ways. Attitudes are easily influenced by the environment. They may be moody—up one day or one hour and down the next—with little or no idea why, causing people to react blindly or emotionally without analyzing their reactions or the resulting behavior. Staying with the above example: ● Do you react automatically to the people around you? ● Does someone else’s bad mood tend to rub off on you? If you are the kind of person who chooses to remain upset long after an encounter with an aggressive driver, you can’t continue to blame the other driver. Realize that your responses to difficult people or situations are entirely your own decision and can be completely under your control. If you choose to replay the incident in your mind and refuel your anger, you are wasting a great deal of energy on past events that cannot be changed. When feelings of emotion and logic are at odds with one another, the focus of attention puts strain and stress on physical and emotional reactions. Being able to pause instead of blindly react allows a person to gain control over their mood and gives them the choice of how to react. While it may not be possible in all cases, it is a simple but profound step toward controlling moods, rather than being controlled by the difficult person. An individual’s difficult behavior may be steeped in habitual patterns. People develop responses to the words and actions of those in both their immediate and nonimmediate environment, such as media. These reactive responses will automatically take over, almost naturally, if we let them. By interrupting one’s own negative repeated reactions, it is possible to break the pattern, allowing the interaction to shift from one of frustration to the beginning of a solution. Difficult people are seeking particular responses to their behavior. For example, a difficult person may not only want to get their way; they also may get some satisfaction from pushing buttons or causing the receiver to lose their temper. Learning to refrain and redirect energy from aimless arguments or accusations that exacerbate the difficult situation allows the receiver to respond in a productive manner that brings about a better outcome. By recognizing and not reacting to or adding to conflict, the receiver is no longer held hostage by their moods and automatic reactions, and difficult people will not seem so difficult. Developing strategies for dealing with problem behaviors allows the receiver to take charge of the interaction or situation and promote a more peaceful environment. Learning to deal with difficult behaviors in others requires effectively managing the receiver’s part of the interaction.
Before addressing the problem of difficult people and behaviors, one must be able to observe and identify their own actions and moods realistically and objectively. The following points help assess how strongly an individual is affected by negative interactions with the difficult person and to what degree this person negatively influences the individual’s own behavior: ● Talking or working with this individual is energy-draining. ● There is a feeling of tension around this person. ● Avoiding this person seems easier than facing them. If these points feel familiar, it is evident that the receiver is having strong emotional reactions to the difficult individual and is likely experiencing a significant amount of stress related to them. Over time, tension or stress may manifest in physical symptoms, such as stomachaches or headaches, and stress- Fight vs. flight Most people are unable to behave logically under stress because they react automatically and without thinking. Confronted with difficulty, the body tends to respond with the fight-or- flight response—the heart beats more rapidly and perspiration increases. This reaction, called the acute stress response , is an evolutionary reaction to threatening situations. It causes us (and other vertebrates) to react in one of two ways: Either address the danger (fight) or run away (flight). During the acute stress response, the sympathetic nervous system triggers the release of epinephrine and norepinephrine from the medulla and adrenal glands. These increase the heart rate and breathing, and constrict blood vessels in certain parts of the body, while opening blood vessels in the muscles; this tightens the muscles as the brain, lungs, and heart work harder, preparing the individual for either fight or escape. Adrenaline surges, making the person alert, aware, and physically ready for what comes next. Humans commonly respond angrily to difficult situations because of this physiological response. Instead of responding with a thoughtful reaction from the left side of the brain (the problem-solving, logical part), we react with the right side of the brain—emotional, irrational, and without logic. One can control this reaction by developing awareness —identifying physical reactions to stress and the associated emotional response. This insight allows one to begin controlling their responses in a difficult interaction. Think about how one may react when they encounter an aggressive driver. Most people will respond angrily by blowing their horn or yelling obscenities. Using the same example, consider how you would respond. ● How do you react? ● Does your anger fade quickly? ● Are you likely to say a few choice words about bad drivers to your passenger? ● Will you swear at the individual? Even follow them just so you can give them a piece of your mind? ● Do you find a way to stay irritated for a while, or does this one moment pass easily, with you realizing that you felt personally threatened and perhaps even fearful for a moment?
PRINCIPLES OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Buddhist teachings, includes these common principles. Notice how many are directed at changes in one’s own thinking and behavior (Brinkman & Kirschner, 2002): ● Take responsibility for vulnerabilities and emotional triggers in relationships with others.
Working in harmony with others may require establishing and implementing a number of principles to help control one’s own words and actions and create the foundation for a peaceful, or at least a less stressful, work environment. While there are many different philosophies of conflict resolution, most emphasize the same guiding principles. The following guide, drawn from Zen
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