difficult situation and also makes them feel that the difficult situation is being addressed seriously and respectfully. Focusing on the subject in question: ● Explain the meaning of the situation to the difficult person. ● Clarify intention in regard to the interaction. ● Simplify the criteria for a solution or way to ease distress. Asking the difficult person to explain their reasoning can be very useful. Ask them what rationale is leading them to the problematic conclusion or decision. After learning these criteria, summarize them to the person and confirm that these are the reasons or rationale behind their position. If you sense defensiveness, acknowledge good intent and confirm that you understand what they are trying to accomplish. After clarifying any questions that may have arisen in the difficult situation, summarize what you, as the communicator, may have heard, answering these questions. ● What is the problem? ● Who is involved? This demonstrates to the listener that you are working to understand their point, and you provide the individual an opportunity to fill in any gaps if either you or the other person missed an important detail. When you are done summarizing, ask the individual if you understand them correctly, and confirm that you understand. Challenges lie in the ability to remain professional at all times—it is crucial to retain a heightened sense of awareness when dealing with difficult people. A good test is to ask yourself how you would like to be treated if you were not in a professional position but an aggrieved party. At some point in our lives, most of us will face stressful times that may shake us to our core. During such times, practicing these learned communication and coping strategies can make all the difference. ● When did it happen? ● Where did it happen? ● How did it happen?
summarize what you heard and use some of the same terms the difficult person used. By using the same words, you convey that you have been listening intently and understood the meaning they intended. Do not replay the whole conversation, simply the main points. Note any statements in which the difficult individual mentioned their feelings as much as you emphasize what happened in the sequence of events. Solving a problem often requires learning more or different information than the difficult person gives you. Clear up confusion with specific questions that help you understand the difficulty. Asking questions also communicates to the difficult person that you are interested in finding a solution. Phrase clarifications (questions) in an even-handed and unemotional tone. Avoid sounding accusatory or phrasing questions in a way that places blame. Difficult people may speak in vague generalities or provide little substance in what they say. Asking questions that clarify the factual details allows others to understand the difficult situation, and why the difficult person feels the way they do about the subject. There are usually rational reasons at the root of every action or behavior. Ask questions until you understand the motivation behind the difficult behavior. When seeking clarification on a matter, questions that ask who, what, where, when, and how invite the speaker to fill in the gaps with informational responses. Asking questions that fill in the blanks helps the difficult person pull themself out of the Conclusion Resisting the trap set by difficult people is easier if you're aware of your vulnerability to getting hurt and then feeling angry. To cope with a difficult person, you must learn to question your automatic defensive responses. Each person is different and thus each situation is different. While there may be some common ground, remember there is not a one-size- fits-all approach to difficult situations. Adapt your approach depending on the circumstances. References Brinkman, R., & Kirschner, R. (2002). Dealing with people you can’t stand . McGraw-Hill, Inc. Duncan, B. (n.d.). Goals and achievements. 7 key tips for dealing with difficult situations . http://goalsandachievements.com/7-key-tips-for-dealing-with-difficult-situations/ Edwards, V. V. (2017, December 7). 4 types of difficult people and how to deal . https:// www.scienceofpeople.com/4-types-difficult-people-deal/ Goleman, D. (2011). The brain and emotional intelligence: New insights. More than sound.
Pelusi, N. (2006). Dealing with difficult people . https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/ articles/200609/dealing-difficult-people Toropov, B. (1997) Complete idiot’s guide to getting along with difficult people . Alpha Books, Macmillan General Reference.
COMMUNICATING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Final Examination Questions Select the best answer for each question and mark your answers on the Final Examination Answer Sheet found on page 36, or complete your test online at EliteLearning.com/Book 1. The term _____ refers to individuals who are probably the most difficult. a. Tanks. 4. ____________ generally focus on the negative. a. Tanks.
b. Downers. c. Passives. d. Better-thans.
b. Downers. c. Passives. d. Better-thans. 2. _________ feel superior to those around them. a. Tanks. b. Downers. c. Passives. d. Better-thans. 3. Non-confrontational people can be called: a. Tanks. b. Downers. c. Passives d. Better-thans.
5. Difficult people may have: a. Lots of friends. b. Poor work habits. c. Positive relationships with their loved ones. d. Helpful feedback to contribute in high-stress moments. 6. It is best to _________ difficult people. a. Avoid. b. Try to change. c. Try to understand. d. Minimize interaction with.
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