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WHAT’S INSIDE
THIS COURSE FULFILLS THE PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT REQUIREMENT Chapter 1: Communicating with Difficult People (Elective)
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[2 CE hours] After completing this course, the learner will understand how to communicate effectively with difficult people. The types and behaviors of difficult people will be described, with a focus on how good communicators engage with difficult people. Course participants will learn how to listen actively and lessen defensiveness in order to improve communication. THIS COURSE FULFILLS THE MORTUARY SCIENCE REQUIREMENT Chapter 2: Opioids: Contributing to Both Health and Death, 2nd Edition (Mandatory) [2 CE hours] Opioids are pain relievers accessed through prescriptions. When someone takes too many opioids or reaches a tolerance threshold, an overdose occurs. With the increase of opioid deaths in the U.S., it is imperative for the death-care industry to recognize and respect the hidden dangers. The funeral arrangements, visitation, and funeral can be complicated because of the circumstances surrounding the death. Opioids can affect the vessels and tissues of the body and cause embalming issues for embalmers. Funeral directors and embalmers need to be aware of safety procedures before embalming and to incorporate strict personal protective equipment protocols. There are different embalming techniques for embalming an individual who was using opioids at the time of death as well as those who have overdosed on opioids. This course will also describe strategies to help combat overdoses in the funeral home.
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THIS COURSE FULFILLS THE LEGAL COMPLIANCE AND ETHICS REQUIREMENT Chapter 3: Professional Ethics and Arizona Statutes (Mandatory)
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[3 CE hours] This course addresses a range of issues of concern to the professional funeral director and staff and introduces a number of concepts important to its ethical practice. Successful completion of the course will equip you with the basic concepts and rationale for ethical decision-making in your practice, to help to navigate unknown ethical territory, identify questionable behavior, and develop a sense for “red flags” of potential conflict, as well as take steps to resolve these issues. Equally important, it will help you know when to seek professional guidance with a supervisor or mentor in the industry or turn to other appropriate resources for professional assistance. Final Examination Answer Sheet 36
©2024: All Rights Reserved. Materials may not be reproduced without the expressed written permission or consent of Colibri Healthcare, LLC. The materials presented in this course are meant to provide the consumer with general information on the topics covered. The information provided was prepared by professionals with practical knowledge in the areas covered. It is not meant to provide medical, legal or professional services advice. Colibri Healthcare, LLC recommends that you consult a medical, legal or professional services expert licensed in your state. Colibri Healthcare, LLC has made all reasonable efforts to ensure that all content provided in this course is accurate and up to date at the time of printing, but does not represent or warrant that it will apply to your situation or circumstances and assumes no liability from reliance on these materials.
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FUNERAL CONTINUING EDUCATION
Book code: FAZ0724
What are the requirements for license renewal? Licenses Expire Frequently Asked Questions
CE Hours Required
Mandatory Subjects
2 hours of mortuary science 2 hours of legal compliance and ethics 2 hours professional development
Funeral Directors and Embalmers Annual Renewals are due on August 1st (Avoid late fees, renew prior to July 1)
6 (All hours are allowed through home-study)
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Chapter 3: Professional Ethics and Arizona Statutes (Mandatory)
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How do I complete this course and receive my certificate of completion? See the inside front cover for step by step instructions to complete and receive your certificate. Are you an Arizona board-approved provider? Colibri Healthcare, LLC’s courses are approved by the Arizona Department of Health Services. Colibri Healthcare, LLC is approved by the Academy of Professional Funeral Service Practice (APFSP) (provider #1046). Are my hours reported to the Arizona board? No, the Arizona Board of Funeral Directors and Embalmers requires licensees to certify at the time of renewal that they have complied with the continuing education requirement. The Board performs audits at which time proof of continuing education must be provided. What information do I need to provide for course completion and certificate issuance? Please provide your license number on the test sheet to receive course credit. Your state may require additional information such as date of birth and/or last 4 of Social Security number; please provide these, if applicable. Is my information secure? Yes! We use SSL encryption, and we never share your information with third-parties. We are also rated A+ by the National Better Business Bureau. What if I still have questions? What are your business hours? No problem, we have several options for you to choose from! Online at EliteLearning.com/Funeral you will see our robust FAQ section that answers many of your questions, simply click FAQs at the top of the page, e-mail us at office@elitelearning.com, or call us toll free at Monday - Friday 9:00 am - 6:00 pm and Sat. 10:00 am - 4:00 pm EST. Important information for licensees: Always check your state’s board website to determine the number of hours required for renewal, mandatory topics (as these are subject to change), and the amount that may be completed through home-study. Also, make sure that you notify the board of any changes of address. It is important that your most current address is on file. Disclosures Resolution of conflict of interest Colibri Healthcare, LLC implemented mechanisms prior to the planning and implementation of the continuing education activity, to identify and resolve conflicts of interest for all individuals in a position to control content of the course activity. Sponsorship/commercial support and non-endorsement It is the policy of Colibri Healthcare, LLC not to accept commercial support. Furthermore, commercial interests are prohibited from distributing or providing access to this activity to learners.
Licensing board contact information: Arizona Department of Health Services | Funeral Services Licensing 1740 West Adams St., Suite 3006 | Phoenix, Arizona 85007-2607 I Phone: (602) 542-3095 Website: https://www.azdhs.gov/licensing/special/index.php#funeral-contact-us
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Book code: FAZ0724
FUNERAL CONTINUING EDUCATION
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FUNERAL CONTINUING EDUCATION
Book code: FAZ0724
Chapter 1: Communicating with Difficult People (Elective) 2 CE Hours
Learning objectives After completing this course, the learner will be able to: Define the four types of difficult people. Discover how to handle the behaviors of difficult people. Explain the relationship between stress and illness. Implicit bias in healthcare Implicit bias significantly affects how healthcare professionals perceive and make treatment decisions, ultimately resulting in disparities in health outcomes. These biases, often unconscious and unintentional, can shape behavior and produce differences in medical care along various lines, including race, ethnicity, gender identity, sexual orientation, age, and socioeconomic status. Healthcare disparities stemming from implicit bias can manifest in several ways. For example, a healthcare provider might unconsciously give less attention to a patient or make assumptions about their medical needs based on race, gender, or age. The unconscious assumptions can lead to delayed or inadequate care, misdiagnoses, or inappropriate treatments, all of which can adversely impact health outcomes. Addressing
Define and give examples of very aggressive and very passive behavior.
implicit bias in healthcare is crucial for achieving equity in medical treatment. Strategies to combat these biases involve education and awareness programs for healthcare professionals. These programs help individuals recognize and acknowledge their biases, fostering a more empathetic and unbiased approach to patient care. Additionally, implementing policies and procedures prioritizing equitable treatment for all patients can play a pivotal role in reducing healthcare disparities. Ultimately, confronting implicit bias in healthcare is essential to creating a more just and equitable healthcare system where everyone receives fair and equal treatment regardless of their background or characteristics.
INTRODUCTION
Working in an atmosphere with clashing personalities and/ or abusive coworkers or client families makes for difficult and stressful experiences that can negatively affect overall productivity. Professionals who are unhappy within their positions can bleed discontent onto their clients or coworkers. We encounter difficulties and negative responses in others at work, at home, and in public areas. Sometimes we know these individuals; other times our paths cross. What should we do when confronted by difficult people who are challenging to deal or work with? You may try to reason with the person, ignore the behavior, or respond in kind—someone launches into you, you launch back. But this doesn’t result in a solution and may even make the situation worse. Ignoring the person generally contributes to lowered morale, as difficult people tend to put everyone a little more on edge. Additionally, you may feel resentful that the individual causes you distress and uses up your time and energy. Irritation can mount until tempers explode. How we see ourselves and the situation allows us to better understand how and why the difficult person acts in such a way. ● Passives : Society often refers to passives as “pushovers” or “weaklings.” These individuals are nonconfrontational. Instead, they hide in the shadows and don’t contribute much effort in the way of productivity. ● Tanks : These individuals are probably the most difficult. They tend to be pushy and bossy. They will put down or push away anyone or anything that stands in their way so that only they benefit. (Edwards, 2017)
This course discusses the behavioral management skills that reduce inherent defensive responses when one is faced with a difficult individual or abuser. The most important key to dealing with difficult people is how we, as the “communicator,” communicate back to said person(s). Practicing active listening and eliminating or lessening defensiveness encourages the difficult person to immediately shut down the verbal or emotional attack. Difficult people contribute to a negative atmosphere. They may have poor work habits or social skills; they are likely to complain when their business is too busy and when it is too slow. They may be petty and gossipy, start rumors, or repeat unhelpful comments. Difficult people may talk too much or be loud, rude, and/or physically imposing. They may be verbally or physically abusive. They may sulk or give the silent treatment. They may be bullies or nags. They may be constant whiners or liars. These individuals stimulate burnout in those around them, causing others to feel manipulated. They force those in their path to lose their temper, slow down progress, and prevent people from getting things done. They can project feelings of guilt, anxiousness, and stress.
DEFINING DIFFICULT PEOPLE
Difficult people can be grouped into the following four categories: ● Downers : These individuals generally focus on the negative. Positive engagement with these individuals is extremely difficult and often leads to the other person feeling anxious or depressed. ● Better-thans : These individuals have no qualms about expressing their inner egotism. Even if they feel less than superior to a person or situation, their reaction is to prove or commit to a “better than you” attitude.
HANDLING THE BEHAVIORS OF DIFFICULT PEOPLE
Do not try to change these individuals. We as humans feel that when a situation exists that we believe should or can be changed, we should make an effort to do so. These situations appear easy to correct; however, they are complicated and
exist on much deeper mental and emotional levels. It is best to try and understand the behavior and what causes the difficult person to react in a challenging or negative manner.
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UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOR I: EMOTION VS. LOGIC
related behavior, including impatience, anger, sadness, and overreaction. In some people, long-term reactions to stress may include depression. Learning how to interact with difficult people and address difficult behavior involves a number of steps. The first step is learning to identify the receiver’s own emotional responses in a difficult interaction and knowing the following about human emotions and behavior: Much of how one thinks and acts is a matter of habit, or repeated patterns of behavior, including the way one deals with difficult people or situations. If one’s habits, attitudes, and/or reactions are negative, then the results tend to be negative, too. The challenge is to express the negative emotions in useful, positive ways. Attitudes are easily influenced by the environment. They may be moody—up one day or one hour and down the next—with little or no idea why, causing people to react blindly or emotionally without analyzing their reactions or the resulting behavior. Staying with the above example: ● Do you react automatically to the people around you? ● Does someone else’s bad mood tend to rub off on you? If you are the kind of person who chooses to remain upset long after an encounter with an aggressive driver, you can’t continue to blame the other driver. Realize that your responses to difficult people or situations are entirely your own decision and can be completely under your control. If you choose to replay the incident in your mind and refuel your anger, you are wasting a great deal of energy on past events that cannot be changed. When feelings of emotion and logic are at odds with one another, the focus of attention puts strain and stress on physical and emotional reactions. Being able to pause instead of blindly react allows a person to gain control over their mood and gives them the choice of how to react. While it may not be possible in all cases, it is a simple but profound step toward controlling moods, rather than being controlled by the difficult person. An individual’s difficult behavior may be steeped in habitual patterns. People develop responses to the words and actions of those in both their immediate and nonimmediate environment, such as media. These reactive responses will automatically take over, almost naturally, if we let them. By interrupting one’s own negative repeated reactions, it is possible to break the pattern, allowing the interaction to shift from one of frustration to the beginning of a solution. Difficult people are seeking particular responses to their behavior. For example, a difficult person may not only want to get their way; they also may get some satisfaction from pushing buttons or causing the receiver to lose their temper. Learning to refrain and redirect energy from aimless arguments or accusations that exacerbate the difficult situation allows the receiver to respond in a productive manner that brings about a better outcome. By recognizing and not reacting to or adding to conflict, the receiver is no longer held hostage by their moods and automatic reactions, and difficult people will not seem so difficult. Developing strategies for dealing with problem behaviors allows the receiver to take charge of the interaction or situation and promote a more peaceful environment. Learning to deal with difficult behaviors in others requires effectively managing the receiver’s part of the interaction.
Before addressing the problem of difficult people and behaviors, one must be able to observe and identify their own actions and moods realistically and objectively. The following points help assess how strongly an individual is affected by negative interactions with the difficult person and to what degree this person negatively influences the individual’s own behavior: ● Talking or working with this individual is energy-draining. ● There is a feeling of tension around this person. ● Avoiding this person seems easier than facing them. If these points feel familiar, it is evident that the receiver is having strong emotional reactions to the difficult individual and is likely experiencing a significant amount of stress related to them. Over time, tension or stress may manifest in physical symptoms, such as stomachaches or headaches, and stress- Fight vs. flight Most people are unable to behave logically under stress because they react automatically and without thinking. Confronted with difficulty, the body tends to respond with the fight-or- flight response—the heart beats more rapidly and perspiration increases. This reaction, called the acute stress response , is an evolutionary reaction to threatening situations. It causes us (and other vertebrates) to react in one of two ways: Either address the danger (fight) or run away (flight). During the acute stress response, the sympathetic nervous system triggers the release of epinephrine and norepinephrine from the medulla and adrenal glands. These increase the heart rate and breathing, and constrict blood vessels in certain parts of the body, while opening blood vessels in the muscles; this tightens the muscles as the brain, lungs, and heart work harder, preparing the individual for either fight or escape. Adrenaline surges, making the person alert, aware, and physically ready for what comes next. Humans commonly respond angrily to difficult situations because of this physiological response. Instead of responding with a thoughtful reaction from the left side of the brain (the problem-solving, logical part), we react with the right side of the brain—emotional, irrational, and without logic. One can control this reaction by developing awareness —identifying physical reactions to stress and the associated emotional response. This insight allows one to begin controlling their responses in a difficult interaction. Think about how one may react when they encounter an aggressive driver. Most people will respond angrily by blowing their horn or yelling obscenities. Using the same example, consider how you would respond. ● How do you react? ● Does your anger fade quickly? ● Are you likely to say a few choice words about bad drivers to your passenger? ● Will you swear at the individual? Even follow them just so you can give them a piece of your mind? ● Do you find a way to stay irritated for a while, or does this one moment pass easily, with you realizing that you felt personally threatened and perhaps even fearful for a moment?
PRINCIPLES OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Buddhist teachings, includes these common principles. Notice how many are directed at changes in one’s own thinking and behavior (Brinkman & Kirschner, 2002): ● Take responsibility for vulnerabilities and emotional triggers in relationships with others.
Working in harmony with others may require establishing and implementing a number of principles to help control one’s own words and actions and create the foundation for a peaceful, or at least a less stressful, work environment. While there are many different philosophies of conflict resolution, most emphasize the same guiding principles. The following guide, drawn from Zen
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● Investigate one’s own responsibility in the conflict before speaking with another. ● Practice non stubbornness with a willingness to understand and a desire to reconcile differences. ● Have face-to-face resolution of the conflict with the other person(s) involved. ● Use anger in a constructive and respectful way, allowing it to teach and transform us for the better, avoiding the “poison” of envy and comparing ourselves to others. ● Separate the behavior from the person, seeing the situation as an opportunity. Perhaps the core principles of conflict resolution and dealing with difficult people are to maintain respectful relationships Principle 1: Resist trying to change other people Trying to change the difficult person does not resolve any problems and typically leaves you even more frustrated and angry. Instead of trying to make the difficult person less difficult, accept that person as they are, with faults. By simply choosing to accept people as they are, we create a less stressful environment. Consider how easily people tell others how they Principle 2: Let go of the blame game People grow accustomed to blaming others or themselves when things go wrong, rather than looking for ways to fix the problem. Blame does little to resolve a difficult situation. Learning to address negative energy or attitudes without blame is an integral Principle 3: It’s not about you A necessary aspect of this strategy is learning to depersonalize communication and behavior. It is the realization that, in most cases, the difficulties you encounter are not at all about you. When a person ignores you, or speaks unfairly to you, how do you handle it? Do you feel angry at the person because you assume their words were malicious and intentional? As you go through the day, do negative feelings about the person persist? Do you hate others because you think they hate you? This kind of thinking perpetuates negative behavior on both sides and gets you no closer to a solution. Principle 4: Treat people well Practice treating difficult people with kindness and patience. Try acting respectfully toward a difficult person, and you may find their behavior loosens up or bothers you less. Remember that Principle 5: Focus only on what you can change Many people cannot let go of the anger or frustration associated with a source of negative stress. Practice mentally throwing the problem away by putting an end to rumination or replaying the situation in your head. Do not occupy your time repeating the story or endlessly complaining to other people. Use this energy for more productive pursuits.
and try to resolve issues without emotion. The first part of this course introduced the importance of observing emotions and preventing oneself from automatically reacting without thinking. The next part discusses some principles of respectful communication. Like the principles above, this way of thinking revolves around changing the receiver and how the receiver responds to difficult people. The most effective changes are those implemented internally: Change within ourselves. Modifying the response to difficult people affects the change in behavior of the difficult person. By shifting the focus to yourself and your own behavior, you have the means by which to change the nature of the interaction from negative to positive. should change results in heightened conflict and accept that you no longer have to try to control or influence other people’s thoughts and behavior. Realize that it is not your mission to convince everyone that you are right. Leave that burden behind and accept that you are not responsible for changing minds.
part of dealing with difficult people. This means relaxing your judgment of people and assuming the best of those around you—giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Negative behaviors and responses often come from our own feelings of insecurity. Learn to listen to others without forming these presumptuous attitudes that revolve around your ego. Realize that when talking to a difficult person, there is a bias against them, and you may be predisposed to interpreting their comments negatively or in a judgmental way. In so many cases, a perceived snub has nothing to do with you. Perhaps the person had a long day or was preoccupied with some recent bad news. When we don’t interpret the interaction as a personal affront, we give the person the benefit of the doubt.
anyone can be someone’s difficult person at some point, even you, given the right (or wrong) circumstances.
Choose to focus your energy on the present and future, rather than waste it on past events that cannot be changed. Many people find the “Serenity Prayer,” by Reinhold Niebuhr, to be a good reminder about wasted emotional energy. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOR II: COMMUNICATIVE NEEDS
Assertiveness: Behavior and communication Assertive thinking and behavior balances an active concern for one’s own welfare and goals with those of others. It comes from a genuine wish and attempt to find win–win long-term solutions to recurring problems, as opposed to superficial or temporary stop-gap measures that ignore the underlying cause. Assertive communicators face difficult situations squarely, while nonassertive people tend to avoid directly addressing the root of the problem. The assertive approach utilizes the individual’s respect for themself, treating the other person in an understanding and kind way, yet focused and firm enough to accomplish the win–win solution. While the ultimate objective of the assertive approach
is finding immediate and lasting solutions to problems, assertive communicators endeavor to de-escalate conflict and improve communication, bringing people closer together. Assertiveness is usually the most effective response to nonassertive, aggressive, or manipulative behavior, but learning to act assertively typically requires some degree of training and skill, whereas nonassertive and aggressive responses are emotional and automatic. Assertive communicators tend to be more emotionally open and honest about their feelings and thoughts. They tend to act kindly and diplomatically throughout the difficult situation, and they speak and act in respectful ways. Assertive communicators
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Assertive communicators understand that much of our ability to know and get along with others depends on healthy self- esteem. We all travel with an Achilles’ heel, some weakness or sensitivity that is particularly acute to us. Difficult situations can be emotional and confusing, and unless you specifically state your good intent, it is possible that your words and behavior will be misunderstood. Showing positive intent though words and actions is often the solution to easing the situation. Assertive communicators identify a positive intention behind the difficult behavior and treat the difficult person in a positive, charitable manner. This means acknowledging that the difficult individual does not mean to be difficult; that they are operating out of goodwill and toward positive objectives. Difficult people may feel victimized by the world around them—no one is on their side and everyone is against them. Erratic behavior is another powerful weapon because it defies prediction. Often, the behavior comes as a surprise even to the person generating it. Showing your positive intent displays the caring emotions behind your words and lets the difficult person know where you are coming from emotionally. When you state your positive intent toward the person, you give them positive feedback; the individual may expect to hear accusatory language, but instead they hear concern and interest. Stating positive intentions can be as simple as saying, “I’m sorry that you’re having a problem. How can I help?” Expressing concern immediately reduces anxiety and conflict and increases goodwill. Also, avoid accusatory language or tone. This helps the communicator develop a bond of goodwill and a sense that both individuals are on the same team. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is one of the most powerful tools for bringing out the best in people who are at their worst. People both rise and fall to the level of others’ expectations. It is easy to let a preconceived notion about a difficult person allow one to assume a behavior is rooted in negative intention. But even behavior that appears negative comes from good intent. We as a society tend to associate difficult people with negative feelings and reactions. Assuming the best has a positive effect on difficult people. Instead of criticizing the person, encouragement and understanding can often minimize apprehensiveness and protective defense mechanisms. As a difficult person begins to disassociate the communicator with negative words and actions, this person will stop seeing the communicator as the enemy and be more receptive to what is being communicated. people around. A bully, for example, is one type of aggressive personality who typically uses some form of obvious mental, physical, or monetary coercion to force others to do as they wish. Dominant or aggressive behavior may also manifest itself in judgmental control, a holier-than-thou or know-it-all attitude that keeps others off-balance. The judgmental person thinks they are morally and/or intellectually right or has “the truth” on their side, therefore implying that the person with whom they are in conflict is not as intelligent or as good of a person. This kind of manipulation is dishonest in that judgmental people claim they are doing the right thing, while their real motivation is to control the situation and get their way. While aggression allows the difficult individual to get their way in one sense, aggressive manipulation works against the difficult individual because others learn to fear or resent, as well as distance themselves from, the difficult person. Like passive individuals, aggressive people may have poor social skills and little trust in others. They may feel suspicious, angry, and wounded by others’ reactions to them.
are more likely to express care or concern for another person, or compliment or commend them, even in the midst of a difficult situation. The following statements describe characteristics typically associated with assertive behavior and communication: ● It isn’t difficult for me to tell someone that they are taking advantage of me. ● It is easy for me to say “no” to someone when I want to say “no.” ● I can ask someone to do me a favor without any difficulty. ● It is not difficult for me to tell someone my true feelings. ● I can challenge someone’s beliefs with little difficulty. ● I do not have trouble saying something that might hurt someone’s feelings when I feel they have injured me. ● I can express a differing point of view to someone without much difficulty. ● I do not give someone the silent treatment when I’m mad at them. Instead, I just tell them what has angered me. Assertive communicators use words with great care because they know words can hurt people deeply and cause great pain. Choosing to speak kindly and carefully does not mean that one cannot voice their opinions or disagree. It means one does not use words to attack or undermine. During a difficult encounter, speak the truth, but do so in a way that is supportive—building up self-esteem rather than tearing it down. Always bring attention to a sensitive issue in private to avoid an audience, and try to discuss problem behavior without indicting the person behaving that way. Assertive communicators are honest, diplomatic, and diligent about keeping their word. They back up their words with actions because they know that if they do not follow up promises or statements with the specified actions or behaviors, people will begin to doubt their word. Words can bond people in close relationships or rip them apart; assertive communicators realize their power and use words carefully. Once spoken, poorly or angrily chosen words have an impact that can never be taken back. Assertive communicators are compassionate and nonjudgmental. These individuals realize that they cannot know all the experiences that made the difficult person who they are today. Instead of judging or blaming the difficult person, the assertive communicator is sensitive to their needs and treats them with more compassion. Aggression Aggressive or domineering thinking focuses on meeting one’s own needs at the expense of others’ needs. Aggressive individuals often ignore how their behavior impacts others; they take an “I win, you lose,” position, incorporating a variety of aggressive methods of control, including dishonesty. Judging, criticizing, out-talking, or being loud and intimidating can all be used to dominate other individuals. Being aggressive often requires a belief system that puts the aggressor’s standards and needs above others. Aggressive people may think they are the only ones who have a corner on the truth of the situation. They may be very stringent about following their rules, but not those of others. Aggressive individuals do not consider other people’s wishes and have little respect for their needs and rights. Situations may have to go their way or no way at all. Aggressive people may have backgrounds in which domineering behavior was encouraged or rewarded. While they may appear very confident, they often have poor self-esteem and may be unable to accept blame. Unlike passive manipulators, aggressive individuals tend to be obvious in their attempts to push
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Passivity Passive or nonassertive thinking focuses on meeting others’ needs at one’s own expense. It is a “you win, I lose” proposition. Passive people typically allow others to control them, but are also capable of manipulating or controlling others. Individuals who tend toward passive behavior in stressful times are likely to feel angry and victimized or taken advantage of. They may become frustrated, feeling they never get their way and have little control over their lives. They may be sulky or withdrawn, thinking that no one listens to what they say. They may have little confidence in themselves and be reluctant to accept change. Indirect passive manipulators may use subtle or devious means to get their way, including sabotage, sarcasm, playing the martyr, or using the silent treatment. They may be inclined to use passive–aggressive measures, such as spreading rumors, Importance of being heard and understood Two or more people form a verbal interaction. Arguments often erupt in situations where two or more people are trying to be heard and understood at the same time. For effective communication, one person must be the listener, open to hearing and understanding what is said. Anger associated with the difficult situation is usually a combination of two things: The original reason for unhappiness or distress and the associated frustration and feelings of helplessness because no one is listening to, understanding, or helping you solve the problem. Listening to the person has an immediate diffusing effect on hostility by addressing one of the sources of anger. In fact, a kind, understanding word is sometimes all that is needed to cool emotional overreactions and promote good will. Difficult people often feel their good intentions are being misunderstood and that they are not being heard. Learning good listening skills and behavior, asking important questions, Listening skills Assertive communication requires good listening skills. Assertive communicators listen carefully and respond with sympathy and targeted questions that get at the heart of the issue. They pay close attention to what the individual is staying instead of getting lost in their own thoughts or thinking ahead to how they will respond. Active listeners have an open mind and are able to consider other people’s points of view. A good listener is one who: ● Doesn’t tune out. ● Doesn’t interrupt. ● Is open-minded. ● Maintains good listening behavior (e.g., eye contact). ● Asks questions to clarify and provide feedback. Do you tune out? Sometimes we don’t hear what people say because we are bored or preoccupied; the mind wanders off on its own little journey, thinking its own thoughts. While the person is speaking, we are contemplating many things, including what we will say when it is time to respond. You may have poor listening skills in general, or the tendency to tune out the difficult person because you associate them with something unpleasant. Do you interrupt? Resist interrupting individuals before they finish speaking. Try not to rush the difficult person, try to read their mind, or anticipate what they are about to say. Let them make their statement at their own pace. Do not try to hurry the discussion along or solve the problem before you’ve heard all the pertinent details. In some cases, listening may not be an efficient use of your time. Difficult people who complain constantly sometimes try to draw others into their drama. In this case, keep the interaction as short as possible. When interacting with difficult people who talk a great deal but don’t really listen, you may have to interrupt if you want to be heard.
making fun of others, or talking behind others’ backs. They may hide their feelings, pretending that everything is fine while they are actually seething inside. Sometimes a person can go from one extreme to the other, for example, a person who is typically nonassertive will become aggressive. This may happen because small amounts of resentment build up until the last straw, when they ultimately lose their temper. Passive manipulation may also be subconscious and can include withdrawal, feeling depressed or down, and a disinclination to communicate or cooperate. Passive personalities may be overly dependent on others, be hypersensitive to criticism, and lack social skills. Passive behavior can be frustrating to more motivated, efficient workers who may feel they’re carrying dead weight at the office. and providing appropriate feedback ensures that the difficult person feels heard and understood. In fact, by listening attentively, one can even prevent difficult people from becoming problematic, as taking the time to listen increases feelings of cooperation and understanding. When someone is venting their frustrations, paying attention to what the difficult person is saying shows that one has focused attention on their emotions and words. Pay attention to nonverbal signs of communication and seek clarification if there is suspicion that the communicator and the difficult person aren’t on the same page. Fatigue, disability, language difficulties, and cultural issues are some of the many factors that complicate communication between two people. Some people have an initial period of difficulty speaking their mind; they may feel rude, feel awkward, or not want to express disagreement. As people become more familiar with one another, interactions will likely become more natural and comfortable. If someone raises their voice, does not let others speak, or constantly complains, it may be necessary to kindly but firmly interrupt the individual and redirect the conversation. The interruption must be unemotional, without anger or blame. Speak respectfully to the individual, using their name to get their attention; for example, “Excuse me, John.” Aggressive people are likely to raise their voices in an effort to speak over you, which can escalate conflict. Continue to politely repeat this until the difficult person finally stops speaking and turns their attention to you. Do you listen with an open mind? Some people are not willing to entertain the prospect of changing their opinion, no matter what they hear. Do you consider what the difficult person is saying without predisposition or bias? Do you show good listening behavior? Is your tone of voice and body language saying the same thing as your words? Are you making eye contact and nodding or commenting to show your interest? Do your questions further understanding of the situation? How do you look and act? Are you tapping your foot, or are your eyes darting around the room? Are you thinking about how you’re going to respond to the individual? Not only your words but also your body language and manner of speaking (volume and tone of voice) should convey interest and concern. Do you ask the right questions and provide appropriate and supportive feedback? Do you use the principles of active listening, paraphrasing, and asking questions when you need clarification, demonstrating that you are interested and listening to what is being said? At some point, the individual may stop talking or start to repeat what they have already said. At that point, provide a statement of positive intent, then feedback or clarification on what they just said. If you think you understand what the person said, briefly
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difficult situation and also makes them feel that the difficult situation is being addressed seriously and respectfully. Focusing on the subject in question: ● Explain the meaning of the situation to the difficult person. ● Clarify intention in regard to the interaction. ● Simplify the criteria for a solution or way to ease distress. Asking the difficult person to explain their reasoning can be very useful. Ask them what rationale is leading them to the problematic conclusion or decision. After learning these criteria, summarize them to the person and confirm that these are the reasons or rationale behind their position. If you sense defensiveness, acknowledge good intent and confirm that you understand what they are trying to accomplish. After clarifying any questions that may have arisen in the difficult situation, summarize what you, as the communicator, may have heard, answering these questions. ● What is the problem? ● Who is involved? This demonstrates to the listener that you are working to understand their point, and you provide the individual an opportunity to fill in any gaps if either you or the other person missed an important detail. When you are done summarizing, ask the individual if you understand them correctly, and confirm that you understand. Challenges lie in the ability to remain professional at all times—it is crucial to retain a heightened sense of awareness when dealing with difficult people. A good test is to ask yourself how you would like to be treated if you were not in a professional position but an aggrieved party. At some point in our lives, most of us will face stressful times that may shake us to our core. During such times, practicing these learned communication and coping strategies can make all the difference. ● When did it happen? ● Where did it happen? ● How did it happen?
summarize what you heard and use some of the same terms the difficult person used. By using the same words, you convey that you have been listening intently and understood the meaning they intended. Do not replay the whole conversation, simply the main points. Note any statements in which the difficult individual mentioned their feelings as much as you emphasize what happened in the sequence of events. Solving a problem often requires learning more or different information than the difficult person gives you. Clear up confusion with specific questions that help you understand the difficulty. Asking questions also communicates to the difficult person that you are interested in finding a solution. Phrase clarifications (questions) in an even-handed and unemotional tone. Avoid sounding accusatory or phrasing questions in a way that places blame. Difficult people may speak in vague generalities or provide little substance in what they say. Asking questions that clarify the factual details allows others to understand the difficult situation, and why the difficult person feels the way they do about the subject. There are usually rational reasons at the root of every action or behavior. Ask questions until you understand the motivation behind the difficult behavior. When seeking clarification on a matter, questions that ask who, what, where, when, and how invite the speaker to fill in the gaps with informational responses. Asking questions that fill in the blanks helps the difficult person pull themself out of the Conclusion Resisting the trap set by difficult people is easier if you're aware of your vulnerability to getting hurt and then feeling angry. To cope with a difficult person, you must learn to question your automatic defensive responses. Each person is different and thus each situation is different. While there may be some common ground, remember there is not a one-size- fits-all approach to difficult situations. Adapt your approach depending on the circumstances. References Brinkman, R., & Kirschner, R. (2002). Dealing with people you can’t stand . McGraw-Hill, Inc. Duncan, B. (n.d.). Goals and achievements. 7 key tips for dealing with difficult situations . http://goalsandachievements.com/7-key-tips-for-dealing-with-difficult-situations/ Edwards, V. V. (2017, December 7). 4 types of difficult people and how to deal . https:// www.scienceofpeople.com/4-types-difficult-people-deal/ Goleman, D. (2011). The brain and emotional intelligence: New insights. More than sound.
Pelusi, N. (2006). Dealing with difficult people . https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/ articles/200609/dealing-difficult-people Toropov, B. (1997) Complete idiot’s guide to getting along with difficult people . Alpha Books, Macmillan General Reference.
COMMUNICATING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE Final Examination Questions Select the best answer for each question and mark your answers on the Final Examination Answer Sheet found on page 36, or complete your test online at EliteLearning.com/Book 1. The term _____ refers to individuals who are probably the most difficult. a. Tanks. 4. ____________ generally focus on the negative. a. Tanks.
b. Downers. c. Passives. d. Better-thans.
b. Downers. c. Passives. d. Better-thans. 2. _________ feel superior to those around them. a. Tanks. b. Downers. c. Passives. d. Better-thans. 3. Non-confrontational people can be called: a. Tanks. b. Downers. c. Passives d. Better-thans.
5. Difficult people may have: a. Lots of friends. b. Poor work habits. c. Positive relationships with their loved ones. d. Helpful feedback to contribute in high-stress moments. 6. It is best to _________ difficult people. a. Avoid. b. Try to change. c. Try to understand. d. Minimize interaction with.
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Book Code: FAZ0724
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14. Aggressive thinking is also known as: a. Domineering thinking. b. Judgemental thinking. c. Manipulative thinking. d. Abusive thinking. 15. Good listeners: a. Tune out negativity.
7. Much of how one thinks and acts is: a. A matter of habit. b. A result of trauma. c. Ingrained from birth. d. Learned from one’s family. 8. During the acute stress response, the _______ nervous system triggers the release of epinephrine and norepinephrine from the medulla and adrenal glands. a. Emergency. b. Fight-or-flight. c. Parasympathetic. d. Sympathetic. 9. One of the core principles of conflict resolution and dealing with difficult people is to try to resolve issues: a. Without emotion. b. Without negative emotion. c. With the full range of authentic emotion. d. By pretending to be emotionless during moments of anger. 10. We can create a less stressful environment by: c. Convincing others that we are right. d. Simply accepting people as they are. 11. Negative behaviors or responses often come from our own feelings of: a. Anxiety. b. Overwhelm. c. Insecurity. d. Anger. 12. ________ communicators endeavor to de-escalate conflict and improve communication. a. Neutral. b. Assertive. c. Aggressive. d. Passive. 13. __________ immediately reduces anxiety and conflict and increases goodwill. a. Offering a warm beverage. b. Expressing concern. a. Only interacting with people we agree with. b. Trying to change people to be more like us.
b. Don’t ask questions, even when confused. c. Can anticipate what is about to be said. d. Resist interrupting. 16. When interacting with difficult people who talk a great deal but don’t really listen, you may have to: a. Walk away from the conversation. b. Speak louder. c. Stop trying to engage. d. Interrupt. 17. Asking clarifying, factual questions can help when engaging with difficult people who: a. Are lying. b. Are enraged. a. Take a 5 minute break during heated conversations. b. Ask the difficult person to explain their reasoning. c. Ask for colleagues to join the conversation to provide backup. d. Tell the difficult person to calm down before continuing to talk. 19. Arguments often erupt when: a. Two people are trying to be heard and understood at the same time. b. Two people have different communication styles. c. Two people who come from different backgrounds try to discuss a difficult subject. d. Two people are both assertive communicators. 20. One of the most powerful tools for bringing out the best in people is: a. Agreeing to disagree. b. Teaching someone assertive communication skills. c. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt. d. Using touch (a hug, a hand on their arm) to connect to someone who is angry. c. Are being vague. d. Are being passive. 18. It can be very useful to:
c. Naming one’s own feelings. d. Correcting untrue statements.
Course Code: FAZ02DP
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Book Code: FAZ0724
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